The Orange-Peel Theory
If your partner is willing to peel an orange for you, it means that they’re prepared to make sacrifices to prioritize your happiness. Either that, or they’ve also heard of the viral relationship challenge on TikTok, and you’re being played at your own game.
The Banana-Peel Theory
If your partner is willing to peel a banana for you, they’re only interested in low-level commitment. Or perhaps you forgot to buy oranges, which means your heart’s not really in it, either. Call it quits.
The Upside-Down-Banana-Peel Theory
If your partner is willing to peel a banana, but turns the banana upside down in order to do so, it means that they once read that monkeys remove the skin this way, and have ever since made this tiny bit of trivia their entire personality. Get out while you still can.
The Grape-Peel Theory
If your partner is willing to peel a grape, it means that they are three years into med school, and need to hone their surgery skills. Please note that you will always take second place to their career.
The Grape-Peel, Halve, and Deseed Theory
If your partner is willing to peel, halve, and deseed a grape, you are both parents of young children, and forensically examining anything classified as a potential choking hazard is your new love language.
The Peach-Peel Theory
If your partner is willing to peel a peach, they are French and will no doubt bake you a fruit tart from scratch, using their mother’s family recipe. However, they will never love you as much as they love their mother. Take it or leave it.
Coconut-Peel Theory
If your partner is willing to peel a coconut, they clearly love you. They also love recounting, for the millionth time, how they took part in Season 36 of “Survivor.”
The Apple-Peel Theory
If your partner is willing to peel an apple, they’re a sucker for the old wives’ tale that throwing an apple peel over your shoulder will reveal the first initial of your future spouse. This doesn’t bode well if you’re already married.
The Tomato-Peel Theory
If your partner is willing to overlook how insufferable it is that you insist on referring to a tomato as a fruit, and goes to the trouble of peeling it for you, never let them out of your sight.
The Blueberry-Peel Theory
No one has ever done this. Your “partner” is a figment of your imagination.
The Lime-Peel Theory
If your partner is willing to peel a lime, they are totally enamored with you and/or the prospect of a freshly made margarita. Consider this a win-win.
The Pineapple-Peel Theory
Asking someone you love to peel a pineapple with their bare hands says much more about you than it does about your partner. Seek professional help, immediately.
The Upside-Down-Pineapple-Peel Theory
If your partner is willing to peel a pineapple, but turns it upside down, it means that they are open-minded and in fact looking to open up your relationship. Either that, or they once read that monkeys prefer to eat pineapples that way round. Your guess is as good as mine.♦
